A year ago today I lost the most important woman in my life. The woman responsible for my presence here on earth, the lady who could see my beauty through pimples, braces and permed hair, and the giver of the best hugs in the world. One year has passed and I am still struggling. Life is different now. I feel like most days I have successfully quelled the stabbing pain in my heart, but sometimes the emptiness her disease and early departure from this earth left in me refuses to be ignored.
For those who do not know, my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at the age of 55, considered early onset. As my Mother got increasingly sicker with the disease I would fall in love with the new woman she had become. I didn’t realize until after her death that I had been repressing all the “healthy” moments in my Mom’s life. It was as if I couldn’t think of her in the past to love her in the present. When she died many memories came flooding back to me. Moments of love and tenderness, laughter and joy, I was truly blessed to have been born to such a spectacular woman.
I would be lying if I said the loss of my Mom was not a large part of this journey. I realized that life was short and I needed to shake things up a bit, focus on living and I am confident that I have done just that. My Dad has told me several times how proud my Mom would be of me doing this trip and how proud he is of me. It means more than he could ever know.
I know that I will never fully recover from the loss of my Mom, and I don’t really want to. I just hope that I can continue to live a life that would make her proud.