A year gone by

Mom and Sarah 1

A year ago today I lost the most important woman in my life. The woman responsible for my presence here on earth, the lady who could see my beauty through pimples, braces and permed hair, and the giver of the best hugs in the world. One year has passed and I am still struggling. Life is different now. I feel like most days I have successfully quelled the stabbing pain in my heart, but sometimes the emptiness her disease and early departure from this earth left in me refuses to be ignored.

For those who do not know, my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at the age of 55, considered early onset.  As my Mother got increasingly sicker with the disease I would fall in love with the new woman she had become. I didn’t realize until after her death that I had been repressing all the “healthy” moments in my Mom’s life. It was as if I couldn’t think of her in the past to love her in the present. When she died many memories came flooding back to me. Moments of love and tenderness, laughter and joy, I was truly blessed to have been born to such a spectacular woman.

I would be lying if I said the loss of my Mom was not a large part of this journey. I realized that life was short and I needed to shake things up a bit, focus on living and I am confident that I have done just that. My Dad has told me several times how proud my Mom would be of me doing this trip and how proud he is of me. It means more than he could ever know.

I know that I will never fully recover from the loss of my Mom, and I don’t really want to. I just hope that I can continue to live a life that would make her proud.

Mom and Grandma and Sarah

7 thoughts on “A year gone by

  1. You are doing amazing work..healing, taking control of your future, experiencing life….she would would be incredibly proud…as we all are.
    Go walk the beach today with Bella, I am certain she will give you extra kisses today. Please know my thoughts are with you and your dad today.

  2. I was already thinking of your Mom today when I read your post. She was an incredible lady and I know she is watching you now and is as proud of you now as she has always been. It’s been 21 years since my Mom died and I still miss her every day. It does get better, but some days it’s as sharp as if it were yesterday. I loved seeing the picture of her holding you, though! Has it really been so long since we were those people? I’ve followed you across the country, and it has been incredible – I think you are an amazing person!
    Also, I’m instructed to tell you that your Uncle Mitch loves you and is so very proud of you and the person you’ve become.
    Love you,
    Aunt Lynn

    • Thank you Kate! I thought the same thing about that look, I was so lucky to be loved by such an amazing woman! I hope you are well!!

  3. Im playing catch up. This last pic made me cry. As a mama i know that look she is giving you. Such love and adoration for her little girl. Beautiful.
    Lovely post.xxx

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