I have mixed emotions about Spanx, on the one hand I LOVE the product, they take all of your lumps and bumps and smother it in a tight spandex hug, and who doesn’t like to be hugged? On the other hand they must be fashioned after some ancient torture device.
When you pull them out of the packaging they look like they are made for a four year old, you flip the package over to follow the guideline to sizing and realize that you did purchase the correct size. Now the most important step to putting these things on, make sure no one, and I mean no one can see you as you struggle to get these things over your thighs, hips and ass to their final resting position.
In the beginning, it is simple; you get both feet into them no problem. The Spanx crotch is now a bridge between your feet, essentially creating a situation like a school kid who has had their shoelaces tied together. You should now pray that the phone doesn’t ring or the fire alarm goes off because you will be going nowhere fast. You move the Spanx up your leg until the crotch sits as a bridge between your knees, essentially cutting off the blood flow to your lower legs. You push on, you pull and tug to get the tights up and over your butt and hips, the fabric is so taut now that you are giving yourself rug burns on your fingers while swaying your hips to the left, to the right jumping into a squat and then with one final pull at the waistband and a leap into the air the Spanx settles around your waist.
You better hope that you didn’t do your hair or makeup before you got dressed because now your hair is fuzzy with perspiration and your makeup is sliding off your face from the exertion. The process may be excruciating but the end results are worth all the pain., once I pull my outfit on over my Spanx I quietly whisper “Spanx you very much”!
Creating a blog and a website to tell everyone in the world that I struggle with my weight and weight loss wasn’t enough, I have decided it is important to share my personal embarrassing stories, and struggles with being overweight. I truly hope that someone out there will be able to identify with these stories otherwise I am a true freak of nature. We will call these entries….”Weight Hate”
I know being overweight is not the sole reason that packing can be a painful experience. Lists are made, errands are run and typically things are still forgotten. However, if you are dealing with extra weight, nightmares are made from the things that are forgotten. When you don’t fit into a typical “off the rack” size forgetting something can be detrimental to your trip. Picture this, as I unpack my bag I realize that I have forgotten a very crucial part of my outfit for the night. Let’s just say this time I forgot nylons or tights. My head immediately starts to spin, how am I EVER going to find tights that fit? My girlfriends staying with me come into the room and ask me why I am all sweaty and panicked, I quickly explain the situation and they brush it off and inform me that the sundry store in the lobby of the hotel has plenty of options. They clearly have never dealt with a weight issue. That sundry store has nothing for me other than a late night booze run.
I am now furiously thumbing on my phone, hoping to find a department store with a Plus Size section (one of my least favorite sayings btw) within a short cab distance. All my friends are enjoying a cocktail while getting ready for the evening and I am trudging to a strip mall on the outskirts of Vegas.
If you are of a larger size it is almost impossible to easily and quickly find forgotten items; tights, belts; jeans; shirts; bras; swimsuits, the list could go on and on. I know you lighter people are thinking why not just go without, well typically what has been forgotten is crucial, the tights in this case are vital namely for the smothering of any lumps and bumps.
I have had plenty of experiences that have taught me diligence while packing, these days I typically only forget my toothbrush which thankfully is still one size fits all.